ok so this is where the world leaves me only a few hours after your gone, for what seems like a never ending phase of eternity.
sitting in my room watching war movies on my laptop, feeling nostalgic about those sweet moments that you've left behind, for me to reconcile upon.
i unwillingly hurt myself today, for the first time in weeks. I guess the soul doesn't save you from the absurdity of this universe once a better part of you is away doing something else. I'm not complaining. Just wishing you were here.
i can see you somehow, from deep within the vision of my fascinated mind, i can feel your presence breath into mine. Its not much to work with, but it prevents the bitter part of me from taking over.
why does this distance take so much control over me? why do these feelings that i have inside of me, deny the very preposition of my control over reality? Why can't i simply find comfort in the fact that your gonna be here as soon as time permits?
Then again, not everyone can experience something so true and completely worth their undivided attention.
Inside my head, i have this image of you from the last time that we met. It calls out to me, pulls me closer every time i think about it. It keeps me going and yet, it slows me down. I dont mind lagging behind, dont feel the need to rush past fleeting glimpses of my present. But a FASTFORWARD button is exactly what i need right now.
i have a habit of being too sentimental at times, of being so emotionally involved in things that they dominate over my desire to breath freely. but suffering is just another name for unbearable longing. And i'd love to suffer, all the while your away from me.
i didn't think it was possible to let someone reside so deep within my conscience, i never thought it was possible for me to let a person get the better of me. But its happening right now, and i'm starting to love every bit of it.
Maybe i'm just working towards something that will be diminished with the prolonging of undeniable fate, but i'm willing to take that chance, because i know that i've had many near death experiences, but you were and always will be my only Near Life Experience.
i'm gonna cut this short, because the love inside of me can't bear to know that these words shall remain unread for many weeks to come. But i know, for a fact, that i will write again soon.
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