Permanence

 love.
the meaning?

identified by the longing of an aching heart.
simplified by the sight of a shooting star.
clarified by the motion of morning dew.
fortified by the roots of a banyan tree.
amplified by the aura of a learned sage.
dignified by persistence of the evening tide.
beautified by the touch of a winter breeze.
glorified by the faith of a setting sun.
mystified by the roar of a wounded lion.

sometimes, we set our minds free .. give our senses a chance to try and unravel the mystery behind the element of reality ..
we tend to underestimate the consequences because we feel that the complexity of an ultimate astral experience will result in the return of our soul to its rightful owner.
sometimes, the soul does not return .. because sometimes your spirit is not your own .. it is simply the skeleton of your repressed emotions .. the embodiment of your memories from a previous lifetime ..
do not be scared, you are still a part of this world .. in fact you are more a witness to this existence than you'll ever be .. because now .. after this realization of susceptible immortality .. it is the unattainable longing of your higher self to be able to hold on to the one thing that has preserved your identity through different dimensions of space and time ..
for me it wasn't about a materialistic entity .. neither was it about leading the race of survival, nor about learning to control the forces of nature .. and never about an art that would enable me to leave a mark on my own history ..

it was always, always about her.

following his instincts, breaking free from chains of cerebral limitations ..
he was denounced as a mad man and then accepted as a child of god ..
burning in the flame of desire and being reincarnated by the ashes of love ..
he was told that there was no hope and then shown the light of redemption ..
doubtful but firm, making her way to finding the meaning behind her condition ..
she was never a believer and then she basked in the warmth of fulfillment ..
intoxicated by sanctity, trying to absorb the fact that she'd known all along ..
she thought she'd seen it all and then she opened her eyes to her calling ..

its safe to say we've met before, tears flow like monsoon streams ..
its good to see this face of fate, the carrier of infinite dreams ..
salvation is just a magnificent ship, with sails of solid beliefs ..
everyone tries to fulfill the quest, but victory favors the thieves ..
give a glance to rest of the world, divert your eyes to the moon ..
balancing between before and again, we're bound to make it soon ..
dancing on the edge of dimensions, we'll make it worth its while ..
giving all the respect that's due, we'll still win it by a mile ..

she closes her eyes trying to reach,
the voices on a starry, moonlit beach ..
it was the night two lovers had united,
the lantern of life had been ignited ..

infinite colors reflected on the canvas of his face ..
his beauty amplified by the skin of his race ..
but beside her lay almighty's craziest believer ..
his presence took over her like expected fever ..
she'd never been addicted to fulfilling romances ..
preferred to challenge odds and take her chances ..
but something about the depth of his illusion ..
made her give into the meaning of their fusion ..
he'd keep on speaking with a motive to preserve ..
how blessed he was to have crossed by her curve ..
always curious about the way she would react ..
to confessions of his heart and its ultimate act ..

after 1 human year and infinite lifetimes,
this ones for you Judy Chang.

 

i dont think mere words can ever do justice to what perspired to have me finally reveal myself here today .. but i wish i could have had the better side of reality to comfort me with the simplification of the most obvious fact of life.

a person may stare at the moon and be bedazzled, but that doesn't mean he'll ever get to know what being on the moon would actually feel like.

i stop now, coz ive driven my spirit to punish me constantly and profusely for a sin i never commited.

giddily subconscious.
Aman.

maybe i went astray .. maybe the world seemed like a darker place all of sudden .. i just couldn't find the confidence to let myself know that the reality of your existence isn't just marked by your presence.

i felt alone, so alone .. maybe its because there's been a lot on our minds .. you've been thinking about a new life and so have i .. only you seem to know yourself better i guess .. coz the purpose of my being drives me to leave everything aside and dive in deep into this ocean of possible serenity.

i didn't know what to expect from myself, till i asked myself what i could do for you.

as if surviving in this selfish world ain't trouble enough .. i would never let a stray thought from my conscience travel with the winds and wander into your head .. the mind is sometimes afraid of what the world does not approve of .. that's why its necessary for me to keep reminding myself how this all began.

its been a month since i smiled without thinking. and i guess i have to bear a few more days for the sake of repercussions .. but i promise .. that once i have you here in front of my eyes .. there is not a thing that exists, that can cloud my conscience into not believing in a world that we deserve to live in.

i'd rather say all this to you once your here. i guess its the eyes that somehow make the difference.

yours.
Aman

missing out on all the clarity of my existence, sipping on the aura of the state of nostalgia that you've left behind, i find myself growing increasingly smarter and yet so lazy towards temptations.

no matter what the occasion stands for, its always me trying to find myself a place to be alone with you.
how can you be so distant and still feel so close to my conscience?
is it the energy of this universe that provides me with the faith that your somewhere close by? why do i fail to be my old miserable self even when i try to force myself to experience something that just seems selfishly materialistic to me?

you've left a big hole close to where that heart used to be. it doesn't hurt, it just pulls every minute detail of this oblivious physicality into the depth of my brain and tries to corrupt me into being something that i never wished to be. i fight it. i win.

music festivals are a great place to socialize. i was socializing with myself though. so many people together sometimes just define so many complications. i didn't wanna get into any without you by my side .. so i stuck to bacardi n fizz. even dogbites are worldly matters as compared to your sudden absence in my astral scenario.

come soon.
this is very, very hard.
love
Aman

i don't think mere words can do justice to the way i feel for you right now.

I know you love reading what i've written. Ill write you something every day once your here. But for now, let me just meet you in outer space. Let me take in your essence. Let me live with the profanity of this fair game of telepathic abilities.

i'm here, waiting for your physical form to appear in front of me.
It will complete me.

just keep smiling.
love
Aman

its not that i don't feel like writing. there's a lot within me that needs to unfold. but i've started getting high a lot more often now that your deviation ain't here to regulate my spiritual beliefs.

maybe i'm taking life too seriously. but isn't the definition of obscenity preserved within the salvages of divinity?

i'm not sure if i should be posting when i'm blazed, but a part of me just keeps believing that your reading every word that builds up inside of me. I've been counting a million stars, yet been staring at just one, its kinda new, it reminds me of you.

don't know if my eyes are even serving their purpose anymore, its not what i see but what i feel that i truly confide within. but liking the mysteries that make this life so unpredictable is a danger that not many are willing to partake in.

i don't need more time to know what it is that i feel from the remotest corner of my heart every time i think of you, but sometimes its better to wait in misery than to hurt in blinded bedazzlement.

i'm just being tragic, you told me your favorite writer was a brown sugar addict. i'm not trying to be like him, just trying to empathize with his astral insinuation.

i need your presence to fill me up with all those positive fibers of this elusive victory over self-proclaimed deceptions.
i need your voice to rescue me from the darkest deepest corners of this benevolent blessing of unfathomable desire.

i just wan't you here right now.
want someone to cuddle.
someone to love.

p.s. i hope i didn't make any spelling errors.

ok so this is where the world leaves me only a few hours after your gone, for what seems like a never ending phase of eternity.

sitting in my room watching war movies on my laptop, feeling nostalgic about those sweet moments that you've left behind, for me to reconcile upon.
i unwillingly hurt myself today, for the first time in weeks. I guess the soul doesn't save you from the absurdity of this universe once a better part of you is away doing something else. I'm not complaining. Just wishing you were here.

i can see you somehow, from deep within the vision of my fascinated mind, i can feel your presence breath into mine. Its not much to work with, but it prevents the bitter part of me from taking over.

why does this distance take so much control over me? why do these feelings that i have inside of me, deny the very preposition of my control over reality? Why can't i simply find comfort in the fact that your gonna be here as soon as time permits?

Then again, not everyone can experience something so true and completely worth their undivided attention.

Inside my head, i have this image of you from the last time that we met. It calls out to me, pulls me closer every time i think about it. It keeps me going and yet, it slows me down. I dont mind lagging behind, dont feel the need to rush past fleeting glimpses of my present. But a FASTFORWARD button is exactly what i need right now.

i have a habit of being too sentimental at times, of being so emotionally involved in things that they dominate over my desire to breath freely. but suffering is just another name for unbearable longing. And i'd love to suffer, all the while your away from me.

i didn't think it was possible to let someone reside so deep within my conscience, i never thought it was possible for me to let a person get the better of me. But its happening right now, and i'm starting to love every bit of it.

Maybe i'm just working towards something that will be diminished with the prolonging of undeniable fate, but i'm willing to take that chance, because i know that i've had many near death experiences, but you were and always will be my only Near Life Experience.

i'm gonna cut this short, because the love inside of me can't bear to know that these words shall remain unread for many weeks to come. But i know, for a fact, that i will write again soon.

Till then.
Your Biggest Fan
me.